Writing
I'm writing a new story! Again. ;) I have several story's know that aren't finished. But I keep on getting new ideas and for new books and I don't want to forget them, so I just start a new story! :) Here is a sample of my newest.
BLACK or WHITE?
"Ah!!!!" Craven let out a fierce yell as his sword slashed at his opponent. The two fighters recovered and circled each other slowly, looking for a new opening to strike while the other was unguarded for a moment. Their swords clashed together again. Steel meeting steel. Grinding into each other. This time, Craven brought his sword to the left and down, pushing the other toward the ground, then quickly countered by following the momentum with a quick spin to his left. This would be the end of his opponent if he didn't do something. With his sword in his right hand and his left empty, he swung his left foot out tripping the man and used his left hand to press his head down, all in a split second. The sword swished harmlessly through the empty air. Once he had stopped the swinging sword, craven held out a hand to the fallen man to pull him up. The man's hand enveloped the boy's, but Craven was strong. "That was closer than last time, did you do it just to prove me wrong?" Craven sheathed his sword. "Of course not Sir Andrew!" The last time Craven and his teacher had come to the meadow for lessons, Craven had almost wounded Sir Andrew.
As they had rode home that day, Andrew had told Craven that, 'I think you won't be able to cut it closer than that with out killing me!' Sir Andrew sheathed his sword also, then dry grass and dirt off of his tunic. He clapped a hand Craven's thin, but strong shoulder. "You did good today Craven! Your certainly improving your quick thinking and acting! Keep on practicing and someday soon you'll probably rise above me in you skills!" Craven shook his head quickly causing a lock of hair to fall into his eyes. He brushed it away as he spoke. "No one could defeat you sir! Your skills are to high for anyone to rise above!" "Boy, you almost, and could have, killed me today! Anyone who can do that is above my skill." Craven flushed with pride and embarrassment. "Shall we break to eat?" Sir Andrew already knew the answer. Craven was always starving after the first half of practice. As they sit down to eat, let's take some time to describe how these people look. Craven was a tall, slender boy of fourteen. He was unusually strong for his age, but it didn't show, which gave him the advantage during a battle. He had such thick wavy brown hair that could never be tamed, and most of the time was in his face. He had brown eyes that sparkled when he laughed or teased his younger sister whom he loved so much. He and his sister were so alike, although they were seven years apart. He and his sister both had their mothers thick brown hair and their father's twinkling brown eyes. Unfortunately, neither of the children had inherited their fathers back hair. Craven's teacher, was a tall muscular man in his thirty's. He was well known in the village of Artley. He and Craven's father were the best sword fighters there, which is no surprise, Sir Andrew and Sir Carter (Cravens father) were brothers. Craven had inherited his skill of sword fighting from his father, and he had inherited his love of horses from his mother. But both of his parents taught him about kindness for all people, rich or poor, snobby or humble. He often would ride into the village just to see if there was anyone he could help that day. Sometimes his one and only sister, (they were the only children in the family) would beg to come with him. And her eyes, oh, such eyes! They would be so big and pleading it would break Craven's heart. She would always win in the end. Her sweet face filled Craven's mind as he absently munched on an apple. "Craven? Craven, were'd you go?" Andrew snapped his fingers in front of Craven's face. He slipped back into the real world. "Huh? What?" Andrew shook his head teasingly. "What do you have on your mind? Looks like your thinking of your favorite girl!" "I was thinking of my favorite girl." Andrew just about choked on his water that he was drinking in surprise. "Craven! I... I was just joking! Who are you thinking about?" "Elyonanna." Andrew rolled his eyes. "What? What's wrong with saying that my sister is my favorite girl?" Andrew smiled kindly. "Nothing. It's good that you have her. Be kind to her, Craven. A real man treats a woman kindly, and with respect!" Craven smiled. His uncle was always giving him advice for how to be a gentle man.
And that's as far as I've gotten. :/ I think it's pretty good though! (Not to pat myself on the back.) ;) If you see anything that could use changes, something taken out, tweaks, just comment and let me know! :) Any advice I can get is appreciated! :)
BLACK or WHITE?
"Ah!!!!" Craven let out a fierce yell as his sword slashed at his opponent. The two fighters recovered and circled each other slowly, looking for a new opening to strike while the other was unguarded for a moment. Their swords clashed together again. Steel meeting steel. Grinding into each other. This time, Craven brought his sword to the left and down, pushing the other toward the ground, then quickly countered by following the momentum with a quick spin to his left. This would be the end of his opponent if he didn't do something. With his sword in his right hand and his left empty, he swung his left foot out tripping the man and used his left hand to press his head down, all in a split second. The sword swished harmlessly through the empty air. Once he had stopped the swinging sword, craven held out a hand to the fallen man to pull him up. The man's hand enveloped the boy's, but Craven was strong. "That was closer than last time, did you do it just to prove me wrong?" Craven sheathed his sword. "Of course not Sir Andrew!" The last time Craven and his teacher had come to the meadow for lessons, Craven had almost wounded Sir Andrew.
As they had rode home that day, Andrew had told Craven that, 'I think you won't be able to cut it closer than that with out killing me!' Sir Andrew sheathed his sword also, then dry grass and dirt off of his tunic. He clapped a hand Craven's thin, but strong shoulder. "You did good today Craven! Your certainly improving your quick thinking and acting! Keep on practicing and someday soon you'll probably rise above me in you skills!" Craven shook his head quickly causing a lock of hair to fall into his eyes. He brushed it away as he spoke. "No one could defeat you sir! Your skills are to high for anyone to rise above!" "Boy, you almost, and could have, killed me today! Anyone who can do that is above my skill." Craven flushed with pride and embarrassment. "Shall we break to eat?" Sir Andrew already knew the answer. Craven was always starving after the first half of practice. As they sit down to eat, let's take some time to describe how these people look. Craven was a tall, slender boy of fourteen. He was unusually strong for his age, but it didn't show, which gave him the advantage during a battle. He had such thick wavy brown hair that could never be tamed, and most of the time was in his face. He had brown eyes that sparkled when he laughed or teased his younger sister whom he loved so much. He and his sister were so alike, although they were seven years apart. He and his sister both had their mothers thick brown hair and their father's twinkling brown eyes. Unfortunately, neither of the children had inherited their fathers back hair. Craven's teacher, was a tall muscular man in his thirty's. He was well known in the village of Artley. He and Craven's father were the best sword fighters there, which is no surprise, Sir Andrew and Sir Carter (Cravens father) were brothers. Craven had inherited his skill of sword fighting from his father, and he had inherited his love of horses from his mother. But both of his parents taught him about kindness for all people, rich or poor, snobby or humble. He often would ride into the village just to see if there was anyone he could help that day. Sometimes his one and only sister, (they were the only children in the family) would beg to come with him. And her eyes, oh, such eyes! They would be so big and pleading it would break Craven's heart. She would always win in the end. Her sweet face filled Craven's mind as he absently munched on an apple. "Craven? Craven, were'd you go?" Andrew snapped his fingers in front of Craven's face. He slipped back into the real world. "Huh? What?" Andrew shook his head teasingly. "What do you have on your mind? Looks like your thinking of your favorite girl!" "I was thinking of my favorite girl." Andrew just about choked on his water that he was drinking in surprise. "Craven! I... I was just joking! Who are you thinking about?" "Elyonanna." Andrew rolled his eyes. "What? What's wrong with saying that my sister is my favorite girl?" Andrew smiled kindly. "Nothing. It's good that you have her. Be kind to her, Craven. A real man treats a woman kindly, and with respect!" Craven smiled. His uncle was always giving him advice for how to be a gentle man.
And that's as far as I've gotten. :/ I think it's pretty good though! (Not to pat myself on the back.) ;) If you see anything that could use changes, something taken out, tweaks, just comment and let me know! :) Any advice I can get is appreciated! :)
When is your story taking place? You should see how people talked in that era. :)
ReplyDeleteAre you sure that's how you want to spell Craven's sister's name? The normal spelling is 'Elianna'. But whatever you want is fine! :D
Knights wore armor, so no one could really know how strong another knight was by just looking at him.
Sister's weren't normally the focus on their brother's minds, but women were to be respected highly! If Elyonanna was pretty than I suppose that would make sense. ;)
Good beginning! My advice to you is never write in a depressed mood! ;D
*Abby*
It's kind of in the time like the Kingdom series. I guess the medieval age maybe. I was going to, but I'm not really sure if the Kingdom series is in the medieval times.
ReplyDeleteElyonanna, Is sort of pronounced (L- yawn-Anna) Kind of like that but a little fast. :)
He's not a knight though. And most of the time his uncle and his father would just wear a simple tunic.
His sister is very special to him, she is his only sibling, although she is seven and he is fourteen, they are very close! :) I like him hat way. He thinks that boys who just think of girls all the time are ridiculous! :)
I will take this advice VERY VERY VERY seriously!!!!!!! ;) Thanks Abby! ;)
Okay. The Kingdom Series is fantasy. So it's not in a specific time era. The Medieval era was a time of knights. So that'd be a good era to base your words off of. :)
ReplyDeleteSo you may want to somehow forgo the 'E' in the beginning of the name. Because 'Ely' is pronounced like the name 'Ellie'.
Okay. I suppose that makes sense! As long as they're careful when they're fighting! :P If you have any jostling contests in this story then the knights wore their armor when they were riding the horses. :)
Great! Sibling relationship are good! :D
Let me know if I'm getting too annoying, but I like history to be correct. :) Have you written any more of it?
*A
Yeah, the fantasy time period is what I'm thinking. :) Thanks! :) Oh you're fine. I like advice! :) Any kind. ;) Um... do you know how they would talk then? Cause... I don't. :/ :)
ReplyDeleteI haven't written anything thing else yet, I had an idea for that story and another one, but, then I though, 'why not mix the two?' So, i've been busy making new characters. :)
ReplyDelete